


'She'

by when_you_know_you_know



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 21:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15325209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/when_you_know_you_know/pseuds/when_you_know_you_know
Summary: Beca catches Chloe reading her journal. How can she ever trust her again?(based on a short prompt - 'She' - on my Tumblr account)





	1. Part 1

_She has a smile unlike anything I’ve ever known._

_She has blue eyes as bright and as sparkling as any tropical sea._

_She has a laugh that causes an indescribable burst of light to explode in my heart._

_She has beautiful long red hair that smells amazing. Always._

_And it crushes me every morning that I wake up beside her to know that she’ll never be mine. Not really._

_She is my best friend, yeah. But she’ll never be my girlfriend. My fiancée. My lover. My wife._

_And it’s the worst. Unrequited love it the worst! Because I’m SO in love with her!_

_Thank God for this journal or I’d be totally scr-_

Chloe jumped out of her skin and snapped the small journal shut, breathing erratically as she saw Beca stride into the studio apartment they shared with Fat Amy in Brooklyn. The brunette paused, immediately recognising the journal in Chloe’s hand and the smile that had been on her face dropped.

“Is that my journal?”

“Beca, I-I can explain..” Chloe stuttered, a guilty expression on her face, but Beca slammed the door behind her.

“Chloe! Is that my journal??”

Chloe took several deep breaths then gulped, replying in a quiet voice, “Yes it’s your journal.”

Beca’s mouth dropped open and she strode forward, snatching the precious book from the redhead’s fingers and letting out a small growl.

“Dude what gave you the fucking right to look through my journal?”

“Nothing!” Chloe said in a strained voice, tears already tainting her eyes. She hated that she’d broken Beca’s trust. “I-It was in a pile with my library books! I wasn’t sure what it was so I opened it and only read a few lines, honest!”

Chloe began to panic as Beca glared at her and to her utter dismay her best friend turned on the spot and stormed back out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her. The room around her fell silent, and suddenly Chloe burst into tears, her body trembling with nerves and a fight-or-flight instinct that had her so desperate to escape.

Oh God she’d ruined it all. Her friendship with Beca. The closest relationship she’d ever had. Ruined. And all because she’d been caught reading Beca’s journal..


	2. Part 2

Chloe hadn’t slept in two days. And Beca hadn’t been home in two days. It panicked the redhead to no end. She’d called her best friend a million times to no avail.

She’d called Aubrey for advice and even  _Aubrey_  was more sympathetic towards Beca, despite Chloe insisting it had been an accident (“Yeah, but imagine if that was you, Chloe. Imagine if you guys were back in college and Beca had accidentally read your journal and had found out you were in love with her. Wouldn’t that also panic you?”)

Chloe had called Beca’s work but the receptionist had said she wasn’t available. Which was ridiculous because Beca had  _always_  made herself available to talk to Chloe no matter what. So the redhead was left with no choice but to sit alone in their apartment.

Alone until Fat Amy slinked through the door after a couple of days away somewhere and had been a little shocked to see Chloe looking so bedraggled.

“Woah. You look  _terrible_!” Amy ‘sympathised’, taking a seat beside Chloe on the edge of the fold-out bed, placing an arm around the woman’s shoulders, and Chloe let out a heavy sigh while she rested her head on Amy’s bosom.

“Beca caught me reading her journal.” Chloe mumbled sadly, “She flipped out, stormed out, and hasn’t been back for two days.”

“Huh.” Fat Amy asked, furrowing her brow, “She’s caught me reading her journal loads of times and she’s never flipped out on me..”

“Wha-…? But that’s not fair!” Chloe blubbed, tears building in her eyes, sitting up to look at her roommate but Amy just shrugged.

“Well I guess she’s more bothered about you reading it because she’s written about you a lot…”

The apartment fell silent and Chloe looked down at her hands sadly. She wished things could go back to the way they were. She missed Beca. She missed their friendship.

“I only read a few lines…but those lines happened to be the ones where she said she was in love with me.” Chloe explained in a quiet voice. Fat Amy looked at the redhead with a soft smile while Chloe continued, “I had no idea she felt that way about me. If I’d known…I…I-I would’ve done something about it, you know?”

“I know.” Amy said patting Chloe’s back a little harder than what many would find comforting..but that was Amy..and Chloe  _did_  find it a bit of a comfort in an odd way. “I’m gonna go get some takeout. You want some?”

“No..I’ll be okay. I’ll probably just try to sleep.” Chloe mumbled, shuffling back up the bed to cover her weak and tired body with the covers.

Amy stood from the bed, and made her way over to the door, “If you need anything just call me, Red. I won’t be long.”

And the Australian made her way out of the apartment. She was going to find Beca..


	3. Part 3

Beca stomped her left foot hard along the concrete, pushing herself along while she stood on her long-board. This was her place. The skate park in Brooklyn. Probably the only place Chloe didn’t know about in the neighbourhood. And a good job too, because Beca was still  _so_  angry with her.

The brunette trundled down her favourite ramp, skimming along the fibreglass, bending down to trace her fingertips along the smooth surface. Her Beats lay over her ears, listening to a song that she’d been listening to on repeat since storming out of the apartment a couple of days ago ( _‘Always In My Head_ ’ by  _Coldplay_ )

Suddenly she reached the end of the stretch and slowed to a stop just before Fat Amy who had seemed to have appeared from nowhere. Beca pulled her headphones from her head and left them to hang around her neck, letting out a sad sigh. She was kinda surprised that Amy was here. But in a way, she kinda wasn’t. She’d told Amy this was where she came to clear her head after work sometimes. Today wasn’t any different.

“I just got home.” Amy said simply, and Beca let out another sigh and flipped the tip of her long-board up to her left hand. “Chloe told me what happened.”

“She shouldn’t have done it.” Beca snapped.

“I know.” Amy replied in a calm voice.

“It’s  _my_  fucking journal!”

“Yeah I know.” Amy continued to respond calmly, even though Beca was becoming more and more obviously agitated.

“And she fucking read it, dude.  _My journal_!” Beca stewed, clearly saying exactly what she’d been thinking over the past couple of days, and Amy remained uncharacteristically quiet to give her the chance to continue talking, “I-I feel…violated! She muscled in on my privacy! And the worst thing about it is she now knows  _exactly_  how I feel about her and it was completely out of my control!”

Beca stopped talking and took several deep breaths to try to calm herself. Her blood was still boiling, but not because she was angry. Rather she was frustrated, and upset, and hurt, and she didn’t really know how to react with being hurt because she didn’t usually care enough about stuff to get hurt.

But Chloe? Chloe secretly meant  _everything_  to Beca and the brunette held her unrequited love for the woman very closely. It was her biggest secret and one she treasured above anything. So she felt  _really_  hurt.

“Where have you been sleeping?” Amy asked curiously, and Beca shrugged.

“At work. There’s a couch in one of the studios that’s pretty comfy.”

The two friends fell silent again, the sound of Coldplay’s song still blasting from Beca’s headphones. And Beca swallowed loudly. She knew what Amy was about to suggest. But she felt embarrassed. Seeing Chloe again would have to happen at some point. Beca just wasn’t sure she was ready.

“You’re gonna have to come home, Beca. You’re gonna have to talk to Chloe about all this.”

“Which bit? About how I’m in love with her or how I walked in on her reading about it in my journal??” Beca snapped again in a frustrated tone, but Amy let out a sigh.

“You’ve always been good at hiding that journal, Beca. And Chloe isn’t one for snooping. She wouldn’t have been looking for it.” Beca hated that the blonde was right. Chloe  _didn’t_  snoop for things. Not even hidden Christmas presents ahead of Christmas Day. She was far too good and honest for that.

“You need to hear her out. Then she needs to hear you out.” Amy concluded in a calm tone. It was strange for her to be the more rational of the two of them. And Beca sighed, picking at the tip of her long-board with her fingernails.

“I’m still mad with her.”

“And I get that.” Amy assured with a nod, “But you can’t avoid her forever, Beca. Better to get it over and done with now so you guys can get a good night sleep. You look terrible.”

Beca hesitated for a moment then rolled her eyes, before she began heading towards the gate of the skate park, walking at the right pace for Amy to walk alongside her…

———  
  
[ **‘Always In My Head’ by Coldplay**](https://open.spotify.com/track/0FMjqbY3aWo1QDbo3GwXib?si=gg9yYqK3TDCfFfDEax8e9Q)  
  



	4. Part 4

Chloe sat down on the toilet with a heavy sigh. She hated being on her period. Hormones were difficult enough to deal with without the worry of where her best friend might be. It’d been two days since Beca had stormed out of the apartment. And Chloe hadn’t cried this much in a long time.

Suddenly she heard the front door crash open and the sound of Beca’s voice, “Look Chloe, before you say anything I need you t-“ but the woman stopped talking when she realised she couldn’t see Chloe in the apartment at all. Chloe’s heart raced with nerves. Beca sounded pissed off, and rightfully so. But there was no avoiding this situation.

So Chloe tentatively rose her hand and Beca saw it pop up over the clothes rail that they used as a way of dividing the bathroom area from the rest of the apartment, “I’m here.” Chloe said in a cautious voice and she immediately identified that Beca hadn’t expected her to be on the toilet when she’d finally got home.

“Oh, uh..did you want me to wait?” Beca asked awkwardly. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d have a conversation while one of them was on the toilet.

“You…you can keep talking?” Chloe permitted, reaching around for a tampon. So continue Beca did, in a slightly less aggressive tone, having been completely caught off-guard.

“Right well…as I was saying, uh…” Beca closed the door to the apartment behind her, kicking the heels of her converse awkwardly on the floor, trying to ignore the rustling sounds of the tampon packet, “…look I need you to understand that what you did wasn’t okay. It was actually a really dick-move.”

Chloe let out a small sigh, having finally placed her tampon in the correct position and getting up off the toilet to wipe then pull her pants up, “I know. I  _do_ understand that.”

The sound of the toilet flushing forced the two friends the stop talking for a moment, and Chloe concentrated on washing her hands while Beca slung her satchel off her shoulder. She hadn’t showered in a couple of days. She felt pretty sticky.

Chloe composed herself, taking a deep breath before pulling the clothes rail aside. Her eyes honed in on Beca’s petite body and her stomach knotted. She felt  _so_  guilty for giving her best friend a reason to stay away. And by the looks of things Beca hadn’t slept any better than she had the past couple of days.

“That was  _my_  journal, Chloe. You had no right to read it.” Beca said in a quieter voice. She hadn’t expected her anger to wane so quickly, but the sight of Chloe looking so exhausted and worried and upset gave Beca the impression that Chloe really  _was_  sorry. It didn’t make the pain any easier. She was still hurt. But this was Chloe. It was always Chloe.

Chloe who normally was quick to fill any silence now took the time not to talk. She had no argument. Not really. She knew she was in the wrong here, even though she’d found the journal by accident.

“Where did you read up to?” Beca asked cautiously. If Chloe only read the bit about how shit Beca’s breakup with Jesse really had been then things weren’t as bad as she feared. But if Chloe had read some stuff that Beca had written about  _her_  then Beca was truly scr-

“I only read the page about how my eyes are like a tropical sea..” Chloe answered, swallowing loudly, and Beca’s stomach dropped, her eyes fluttering closed.

“Great.” Beca mumbled sarcastically, her head hanging for a moment. Not exactly what she’d hoped from this situation.

“But for what it’s worth, what you wrote is the nicest thing anyone’s ever written about me.” Chloe tried to help, her face softening slightly, and it  _did_  cause Beca to open her eyes again. But the brunette’s expression didn’t lighten.

“Yeah, that you know of.” Beca mumbled, making her way over to the fridge to pull out a beer, “I bet millions of people over the world have written nice things about you. You just don’t know about it.” A small smile poked into the corners of Chloe’s mouth. It was unusual to hear Beca talking like this. “Technically you weren’t ever supposed to know about  _my_  nice words so…”

“I still can’t work out why!” Chloe said with a shrug, and Beca closed the fridge door, peering back at her best friend with her eyebrows raised.

“Because it’s  _embarrassing_ , dude. The stuff that you read is only a drop in the ocean of what I’ve written about you over the years-“

“Years?”

Beca let out another sigh and leant back against the work surface in the kitchen, twisting off the cap to the beer bottle she had in her hands, “Yeah since college and…” but her tone changed as she snapped back to being annoyed with her best friend, “…whatever, it doesn’t matter how long I’ve been in love with you for what matters is the way you found out!”

Chloe’s smile dropped. She was over the moon of course that Beca had just admitted it out loud, but it didn’t mean that what she’d done had been right. She had to make Beca understand.

“Look, I get that what I did was wrong but I need you to know that I didn’t go searching for your journal. I didn’t even know you  _had_  a journal. And I didn’t realise I was reading a journal until I read the bit about how it sucks that  _‘we can’t be together’_  or whatever..”

The apartment fell silent and Beca took a deep breath. There was a long pause until Chloe added in a quiet voice, “It’s not my fault your journal is one of my old college notebooks.”

“You gave that notebook to me in Junior Year-“ Beca tried to argue, but she already recognised she was being won over. It was those stupid beautiful bright blue eyes..

“-which happened to be stuffed between my library books, Beca! Naturally I’d want to see why a notebook I hadn’t seen in almost four years was suddenly on my bedside table.”

Beca swallowed loudly. Okay so maybe Chloe  _had_  looked at her journal by accident. Maybe Beca  _had_  quickly hidden it amongst some books in a panic as Chloe had returned home the other evening. But it still didn’t make the violation of her privacy any easier.

“Alright so…what do we do now?” Beca asked, and Chloe shrugged. She had no idea…


	5. Part 5

****

Beca stepped out of the shower, wrapping her towel tight around her body. She had to admit, nothing felt better than a long hot shower to clear her mind. She felt refreshed. As though she had a little more clarity.

As she looked up though, she furrowed her brow, her eyes finding a tatty collection of A5 notebooks on the kitchen table. Chloe was stood by them looking over at her nervously.

“What are those?” Beca asked casually, walking over to her side of the bed to pull out some pyjamas, unamused that Chloe seemed to be showing off just how many notebooks she owned.

“Some of my journals from college.” Chloe replied, “I want you to read them.” and Beca let out a sigh.

“Chloe, I’m not gonna read your journals-“

“-Why not?”

“Because this isn’t an ‘eye-for-an-eye’ kinda thing.” the brunette explained in an exasperated tone, “I’m not gonna read your journals just because you accidentally read a page of mine.”

“But I need you to know what I wrote.” Chloe said in a slightly desperate tone, but Beca had already turned her back to dry herself down post-shower.

“I don’t care if you ‘need’ me to, Chloe. I’m not going to read your journals.”

Beca began feverishly drying herself down with her towel, trying to ignore the way her stomach knotted. She hated that Chloe would even suggest something like offering her some journals to read in return. It didn’t heal the pain she felt from Chloe finding out about her unrequited love.

“ _September 29th 2011._ ” Beca heard Chloe read with a shaky voice, “ _Activities Fair today. Didn’t have too much interest, but there was this one pretty girl who caught my eye. No idea what her name is but she had a lot of cool piercings up her ears and a couple of tattoos too. I invited her to audition but she didn’t seem keen. I hope I meet her again_.”

Beca froze, having just pulled her pyjama shorts up, and held her pyjama top in her hands. Her breathing had increased slightly. Chloe had found her pretty?

“ _October 5th 2011. Boring day preparing for next week’s first class. Met Tom for dinner. Amazing coincidence in the showers - found that pretty girl from the activities fair. We ended up singing together. It was amazing. She’s so beautiful. She even smiled at me! I hope she’ll come to auditions tomorrow._ ”

Beca resumed concentration on pulling her top over her head, but the more Chloe read, the more emotional she began to feel.

“ _October 6th 2011. Was worried that girl from yesterday wouldn’t come to auditions but she did! And she was amazing!! Her name’s Beca. She’s a freshman. I hate that I’ll only have this year to get to know her but I’m so desperate to become her friend. I hope she likes me!_ ”

A small smile had appeared on Beca’s face, but she kept her back to Chloe. Her annoyance with her best friend was dissipating, and she could hear Chloe flicking through several pages.

 _”May 6th 2012.”_  Chloe paused and took a deep shaky breath, “ _Beca kissed Jesse tonight at the ICCA finals._ ” Beca could sense the sensitivity in Chloe’s voice, “ _We won and I tried to be happy. But seeing Beca with him made me really sad. I guess Aubrey’s right. I guess I do have a thing for her._ ”

Beca slowly turned on the spot and looked over at Chloe. She saw tears in her best friend’s eyes while the redhead focussed on closing the notebook she’d been reading from, Chloe clearing her voice as she added, “This notebook is from my first senior year.” holding it up but not looking over at Beca, before reaching out for a second, “And this was from my second senior year.”

Beca watched as Chloe found a random page in the notebook and began reading from it, “ _November 5th 2012. Beca’s Birthday! We all got dressed up and went onto Campus to watch a comedy night. Beca looked incredible. I swear the more time I spend with her the harder in love I fall. It’s the worst. But it’s also the best. I never want this year to end._ ”

Chloe flipped through several more pages, then quickly found another entry, “ _March 19th 2013. I’ve decided I’m gonna sabotage my Russian Lit exams again this year. Things with Beca are just too good, I can’t risk graduating and never seeing her again. I can’t tell anybody, but I’m pleased I can at least write it in here. I’ve got it so bad for Beca and I hope that at some point I’ll be able to tell her. Too bad she’s still with Jesse, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be together forever. I can wait. I WILL wait.._ ”

Beca’s mouth had fallen open, stunned that Chloe had been feeling this way about her and Beca’d had no idea. Why hadn’t Chloe said anything??

“And that’s just two of the many entries I wrote about you in this notebook.” Chloe added, still refusing to look at Beca, placing the notebook she’d just read from to one side, her voice sounding more shaky as the time went on. The redhead picked up another notebook, “The journal from my third attempt at senior year.” she explained to the room, her eyes on the new notebook in her hands as she opened it.

“ _September 15th 2013. Longest summer ever. But I’m finally back at The Bellas house and guess who was there to greet me? Beca! Turns out she’d got bored at home so had come back to college early. I’d love for her reason to be because secretly she wanted to spend a couple of days alone with me at the house before everyone else gets back but it won’t be. There’s no way she likes me as more than a friend. But I’ll make the most of this time we can spend together. Maybe this coming year I’ll find the guts to tell her I love her…_ ”

Beca cleared her throat to try to gain Chloe’s attention but the redhead flipped through the notebook in her hands, landing on another page. And Beca felt tears beginning to build in her eyes. What was happening?

“ _February 14th 2014. Valentines Day! The Bellas and I were all going to have dinner together. Beca was going to be there too. I’d had it all planned out and the girls were going to help me surprise Beca. They were all going to call off at the last minute leaving just me and Beca. That was when I was going to tell Beca that I love her. Crazy I know, because she’s STILL with Jesse. But they’ve been fighting a lot recently and she always comes to me when they have and she’s been giving me weird looks that has me wondering if she feels the same way about me. But she made up with Jesse this afternoon and they’ve gone out for dinner just the two of them. So I’ve spent the evening alone instead. I’m too embarrassed to tell the rest of The Bellas. They’ll be nice about it. They always are._ ”

“The Bellas knew?” Beca said quietly, more to herself than to Chloe. And it was a good job too, because Chloe was busy flicking forward another few pages before reading out another entry.

“ _May 12th 2014. Today Beca told me Jesse is going to study in LA next year. She asked me if she should stay together with him and try to do the long-distance thing. I told her she should. I don’t know why she asked me, and I don’t know why I told her she should stay with him. I wanted to tell her to leave him and be with me instead. But I didn’t. I’m going to make sure I fail my Russian Lit exam again next week. I want to graduate with Beca and the rest of The Bellas next year._ ”

“Chloe…” Beca croaked out, noticing a tear slip down Chloe’s cheek as the redhead put aside the notebook quickly and pick another up, opening it on a random page.

“ _January 20th 2015. Beca’s acting so weird. I’ve tried to talk to her but she just keeps telling me she’s tired. She’s barely home and I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of studying, searching for post-grad jobs, and leading The Bellas on my own. For some reason Beca won’t even look at me. I have no idea what I’ve done wrong but I feel more upset by the day-_ “ Chloe paused as her voice broke, and Beca took a step towards her best friend while Chloe added,  _”-I hate how in love I am with her. I wish I could just tell her. I wish she could just look at me the way I want her to. There’s so much of me that can’t wait for us to graduate so I don’t have to see her every day._ ”

“Chloe…” Beca tried again, her voice a little clearer, tears brimming in her eyes. She had no idea that was how Chloe had felt. And she watched as Chloe turned several pages and found another entry.

 _”June 9th 2015. Beca’s asked me to move with her and Fat Amy up to Brooklyn!!! Jesse’s staying in LA! Beca’s chosen me over him!!! (Okay so she’s actually got a job up in NYC and needs someone to share the bills with - but she’s asked me to be that person!!) I keep telling myself to snap myself out of these crazy romantic feelings I have for her but I just can’t. I’ve been in love with her for four years. Moving to Brooklyn with her won’t change that. I’m so excited!!_ ”

“Chloe, please..” Beca begged quietly, sniffing as she felt her tears almost brim over. But Chloe just cleared her throat again, throwing the notebook to one side, still not looking up at Beca and reaching for another notebook while saying in a rather erratic way, “See, these were  _my_  journals from college and almost every entry is about you.” Chloe opened the next notebook, flipping through the pages, adding, “I’ve written a journal most days since I first met you, Beca. Most days since we moved here to Brooklyn.”

Beca began slowly walking towards Chloe, hating to watch those tears roll down the woman’s face while the redhead read another entry from the tidier looking notebook, her heart sinking when she realised the entry was from three days ago, “ _September 22nd 2018. This time next week it’ll be seven years since Beca and I first met. I’ve booked us a table at her favourite bar to celebrate. I’ve decided I’m gonna tell her I love her-_ “

“Chloe..” Beca tried to interrupt but Chloe continued, her tone getting louder to drown out Beca’s voice.

 _”I’m gonna tell her I’ve been in love with her for years-_ ”

“Chloe..”

 _”I honestly don’t care about how she’ll react any more. I’m sick of wallowing in my misery._ ”

“Chloe!”

Beca’s voice echoed around the apartment and Chloe finally paused reading, looking up into Beca’s eyes and letting out a small sob, before blubbing, “ _Unrequited love is horrible, yes. But telling Beca how in love I am with her may finally set me free._ ” Beca swallowed loudly, a tear finally rolling down her cheek while Chloe returned her attention to the entry in her journal, “ _She can do whatever she wants with that information after that._ ”

Beca let out a heavy sigh as Chloe closed her last journal and looked back up at Beca with a sigh of her own.

“You see, Beca?” Chloe said in a quiet voice, motioning to the notebooks on the kitchen table, “This is why I need you to read them. I need you to know that I’m in love with you too. And I always have been.”

Beca swiped some of her own tears with the back of her hand, sniffing loudly. Her heart was racing and her mind felt fuzzy, full of everything that she’d just heard Chloe tell her. The woman pouring everything into the words that she’d once written back in college. Into the words she’d written this week too. Chloe was in love with her.

And suddenly Chloe let out a light gasp as Beca strode the final few paces towards her, threw her arms around her neck, and pulled her into a deep, wet kiss. They both grinned gently, relishing the touch and taste of one another’s lips for the very first time. And they both silently agreed, their journal entries tonight would be very interesting indeed..


End file.
